i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
