1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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