When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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