If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
