Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
