Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
