Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
