We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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