does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
