just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
