The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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