why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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