Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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