I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
