If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
