Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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