32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
