I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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