saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
