It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
