I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
