worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
