I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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