where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
