The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He shit in the fireplace
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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