last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize