ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
