at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's blow job season.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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