I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
