so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
