You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
