you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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