just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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