I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
