you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize