it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize