Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
