The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
