I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
