too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
