I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
