I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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