i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
