its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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