Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
