My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
