She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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