oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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