it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
