If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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