The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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