Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize