i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
