I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
