no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
