My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
