Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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