alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
