worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
