I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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