girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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