So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
